Sometimes I honestly do think that it could be so easy to stop pulling out my hair. Why? Because I just don’t have any urge to do it. Sometimes days could go by and I barely even think about it – until I stop to notice that I haven’t pulled at all lately.
These times don’t come up very often. I had it a couple of weeks ago when I was away with my family on a mini break. We were busy visiting places, going for walks and eating out. And in between, we were relaxing and forgetting about work. It seems as though I didn’t even think about pulling for the whole time I was away.
Yet almost as soon as I get back, I remember that it isn’t easy. When you don’t feel like pulling, there is no need to try to stop. You just don’t do it. It’s when you feel like pulling but stop yourself anyway that you really test yourself. Sometimes I manage it, but sometimes it’s just as if I get lazy with myself and don’t want to make the effort.
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My name's Penny, and I started OnTrich (a trichotillomania blog) to try and raise awareness about hair pulling, and also as a way to help me deal with my own pulling. I'm a 23 year old girl from the UK and I've been pulling for 13 years. Get in touch if you want to chat or need any help - I love meeting people here.
I know what you mean, about not pulling when you don’t feel like it that is. It really should be easy, but it isn’t.
I didn’t feel like pulling my hair for about a year and a half that I started wondering why I did in the first place. That is until the urge came back a month ago. Now I spend my time wondering why I didn’t pull for that time. Hopefully it’ll pass soon before it gets impossible to hide.
Christina – Argh yeah that explains just how irrational and weird it can be. Don’t even know why the urges go away and then come back again. Could you pinpoint something in your life that was different during that year and a half? At least, if anything, it’s shown that it is possible to stop pulling for a good chunk of time.
I know how that feels. My parents, mostly my mom, would constantly tell me to stop, and they also meant to stop completely, but I never could and I still can’t. But, I’ve only gone for about a week or two without the urge because I’ve been doing it for so long.
Lauren – Yes, don’t they think we would stop if we could?! It’s ok though, we just need to remember that they don’t really understand why we do it. Good luck with any time you do manage to go pull free!
I know what you mean, some days, it’s perfect, no pulling, and then I get stressed out and suddenly start, it’s awful! I’m supposed to go with my family out of the country for the summer as a really amazing present, but only a few months ago, I pulled out almost half the hair on my head, I’ve never done it so back- I’ve pulled all types of hair, especially eyes and eyebrows, but not so much hair on my head. It’s been SO hard, wearing a hat, covering it up, feeling miserable and depressed! But now, I almost have it all grown back- short, but still there, but now, I started pulling out hair again on my hairline! I’d love some support from someone, if they could just say you can stop! I wish luck to everyone, I want to be able to go on my summer trip!
Angie – So sorry to hear about this. But remember, you can stop. Maybe not 100% straight away, but you’ve done it before and you’ve done it again. And if you do end up pulling, remember it doesn’t define who you are. Good luck and just remember you’re not alone and you aren’t weak if you do pull.
Thanks! It’s a little better, I’m trying my hardest to stop, I’m looking at role models and strong people that I admire that are beautiful inside and out, and it’s giving me courage- it’s not like trying to be someone I’m not, it’s more of just a motivational push! Good luck to everyone! I’m excited that a lot of it’s growing back quickly, and maybe in 3 months, I wont have that bald spot anymore!
Angie – That is a great way of looking at things. Accept that the trich is just something you do but doesn’t change who you are inside. That’s great about the regrowth!
i am a boy but i can help YOU ANGIE
I am 12 years old and i started at 8. I stopped for 4 years and now it is coming back. i feel like crap because i am able to hide it but i fear that it will turn out to become even worse.. All you need to do is think about all of the people who do not like you. They will have something to make fun of you about. o not take this the wrong way but when you are older, don’t you want other people to find you sexy or good looking? Just think about that every time you get the urge. You are not alone
Hey Dylan,
thanks, that’s a really good idea! I know, it’s so hard when you stop for a long time, and then suddenly start- because when I start it’s hard to stop! But really, brilliant idea, because even though I always think “I’m stopping for myself so I don’t ruin my appearance”, it’s also brilliant to think that it’s also to not give those people that hate you something to laugh about! Thanks, I think that also, thinking of a role model helps, I never did it before, but it’s working this time- someone that looks like you or someone you admire!
That way, anytime I just have that urge to pull or mind starts saying “but that not a pretty hair” or “just four more”, then I think of that person’s hair and think- I want long hair, I will have long hair. Something like that! I wish you SO MUCH LUCK!!!! Talk to me anytime, anyone!
I LOVE YOU GUYS!
Angie –
That’s a lovely message
Dylan – Thanks for coming here and commenting – I really hope it doesn’t come back again properly. Just remember, if anyone does make fun, it’s just because they don’t understand you.
Dear Angie,
Your post broke my heart. You are, I must emphasize, not alone — not in any way, shape or form. I am 33 now and started to pull out my eyelashes when I was 8, then graduated to eyebrows which offset the magnitude of the impact upon my eyelashes. I do not have an explanation for the compulsion to “pull,” other than the fact that it is deeply satisfying/soothing in a way that few things are. Nevertheless, over time, I have developed a “controlled” approach to pulling that I liken to crop-rotation; it affords each eyebrow and eyelid an opportunity to recuperate and thicken. BUT, clearly this is no solution. Luckily, one thing for which I have a passion is writing, which involves both hands, obviously — each digit is occupied. When I am deeply immersed in a project — short-story, novel, etc. — something miraculous happens: I wake one morning to realize that my eyelashes and eyebrows have been restored appreciably. So, it really comes down to finding an activity with which you can actively engage BOTH hands simultaneously…and OFTEN. Reading results in recidivism, as does movie watching. I once contemplated hand-cuffing may arms behind my back for no less than three hours a day. So, stay busy — find an obsession that requires two hands. Boxing, maybe.
Best of luck!
Tom
Tom – Thanks for your great comment. I so agree that when you can occupy both hands, it helps SO much. I get so bad when I’m holding a book with one hand, or using a mouse with one hand. My other hand wanders!
I started picking my eyebrows when I was around 12 years old. I was in class and at first just liked the way it felt but it escalated from there and I’ve been doing it for a little over a decade now. I started with eyebrows and then for a short time picked the blonde hair on my legs and arms (wasn’t noticable if I picked it, just red from picking, unlike my eyebrows which are darker and much more noticeable.) I guess I grew out of the arm/leg hair picking, obviously when I started shaving my legs. If I get annoyed with picking my arms and want to stop I just shave them and then hardly touch them after that and the hair grows back in just fine. Now it is just eyebrows.
I think what causes my picking is tension (anxiety?)/boredom. The longest I went without picking was 3 weeks last year. it doesnt seem like much but it showed me that I could do it. And it looked so pretty and my face looked so different-I keep trying to stop. A week or two here and there and then I get stressed/bored and start all over again. Similar to this year: They were looking really, really good. Then I had a 20 paged law final that I wrote in a little over 13 hours (straight.) It got to the point where I didn’t bathe, eat, go to the bathroom until the damn thing was done. I think this kind of behavior is also linked to the TTM-I don’t have OCD, if thats what this behavior is, to the point of being too disruptive but I do stuff like that. It’s just an impulse to keep going, despite not drinking for hours. Once I start something I literally can not stop until it’s done and my eyebrows pay the price.
Sometimes I do it while looking into a mirror. At first I would rub my eyebrows and now I’m picking them with my nails. I have naturally nice, long fingernails and an idea I had was to just keep the one fingernail I pick with short, but I’ve yet to try it.
It’s disheartening sometimes. Especially when I do it in class-I’ve done it so long in class that I don’t care what people think but I wish I could stop. People always point out the butchered eyebrows but it’s nice to see them when they start to grow again. I like how nice they look and I try to focus on that as a motive for stopping. I’m not being whiny here, it’s just nice to know I’m not the only one (and it certainly seems like mine is mild in comparison to other stories, and for that I am grateful.)
Good luck to everyone! It’s good to share these stories. Does anyone else have a similar experience to this: tension or boredom seems to cause the picking? While I am relaxed/happyI typically don’t pick. And not to whine, again just contributing to the conversation and questioning why we pick-I’m a lucky girl in many, many ways. But since I sarted picking life has been full of anxiety and me learning to cope: deaths in the family, my little sibling had cancer twice and just finished his second round of treatment, a mother who is not quite right in the head, personal anxiety issues that I’ve overcome through simply thinking through, lonliness, bullied when I was younger-again these are not issues I dwell on and have moved on from all of that and certainly, worse could have happened. But I think the stress definitely had an impact on the picking.
Some musings:
This is going to sound awful and haughty but I’m just trying to get to the bottom of something. Is TTM related to intelligence/high IQ? The kind of people who just can’t “turn their brains off.” I’m constantly thinking about things-not over analyzations, though sometimes I do that. But social issues, books, random things. And while talking about over analyzations, do any of you who pull do this?
I use a tea tree shampoo sometimes to wash my hair. Tea tree contains natural antibiotic properties. My eyebrows were absolutely scorched one day and I was attempting to rehabilitate them and used the tea tree on them for a few seconds. I stopped pulling all day. This works a lot, I stop using it and I pick again. I’m thinking it’s just because I think it might be helping to stop the TTM and that’s it, but any thoughts?
Anon – I don’t think you’re whining at all. It’s good to try and think about why we pull. I have the same thing, if I’m bored I’ll pull, and I do have an anxiety problem as well. I don’t know if it’s related to the trich or not, but I know it does make me pull more when I’m anxious. It’s a way of dealing with the things in our life, I suppose, to teach us to learn how to relax and be happier! As for your other thoughts, I often can’t turn my brain off either. I don’t know if it’s IQ, but I do feel as if trich takes over your brain and stops your concentrating on one specific thing. I have been using tea tree shampoo too lately – it feels nice but I don’t know if it helps pulling. Generally I pull less when my hair is completely clean.
I know exactly how you feel
I have pulled my lashes since I was 8, and it’s horrible. I am 14, almost 15 now, and it feels horrible to have to wear a pound of thick black eyeliner everyday to cover up my bald lids 
I just feel so helpless knowing that I can’t stop, and that there isn’t much I can do.
RoRo – I understand why you feel helpless, but it is possible. Even if you don’t stop, I hope over time you’ll come to feel more comfortable with it. I think talking to other people who understand really does help.
I wish it were easy. I find that little to nothings helps me stop and it is making me miserable in many aspects of my life. I want so badly to find a way to stop!
Steph – So sorry to hear that you’re feeling miserable. Do you ever talk to people about it? I find even talking to people online helps me so much. It helped me feel less guilty and ashamed about it. Good luck whatever you do!
When I had AP Calculus tests in high school, I started pulling out the little hairs that had broken off, just from brushing, close to my scalp. From then on, I did it whenever I was stressed, then whenever I was bored, and by then I had to keep doing it because I ALWAYS had little hairs that needed “fixed”. I just found your blog and I think it’s great – I didn’t even realize this was a common thing until my freshman year of college when I met someone with half eyebrows and asked him why they were like that. I always thought I was just fixing my hair, that if I kept pulling eventually all the “bad hairs” would go away. I think if more people know that trich exists, they will be better able to help themselves.
I pull very rarely now (although I am starting a new semester of school, so we’ll keep fingers crossed). What helped me… I realized it was a problem, and I told my best friend and my boyfriend. They were both worried but after telling them I was much more determined to make it go away. But what helped the most was the day I actualy decided: I thought to myself, “this hair’s going to take forever to grow back. probably two years or so. but one thing is definite: it will be two years from the day I decide to stop.”
So now I’ve got a funny batch of four inch long scraggly hairs along my part line. I’m embarrassed to wear my hair down and I’m trying to find a suitable gel product that won’t look gross (any ideas?), but I know that eventually I’ll have a healthy scalp again.
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