POSTED BY: mspennylane
When I was about 9 I got a hair braid in my hair on holiday, and I always used to fiddle with it. When I finally undid it I continued the fiddling, which turned to pulling out the hair and it went from there (I was, in fact, quite prone to ‘habits’ such as this, for example picking out the fluff in my teddies, or my blankets, but had never yet used my own body for the purpose). In my last year of primary school my parting had grown from a thin line to over an inch wide (bald), and I also pulled out one of my eyebrows pretty much completely.
When it was at it worst age 10/11, I didn’t really know what was going on but, weirdly, I also didn’t really feel bad about it. My mum used to try and stop me pulling, and my friends mentioned how big my parting was, but I didn’t really think much of it, and I’m not sure why, but I appreciate the pain I was saved. When I started secondary school I was pulling a lot less (again I don’t know why) and had a large, very short patch of hair growing back which was very obvious. I remember getting comments about this, and one of my old friends from primary school actually started spreading things about me, telling everyone that I used to have a bald patch. This bothered me, but again I never felt too bad about the pulling.
I can’t remember when I found out what it was, but I remember reading that it was as common as biting your nails and my immediate reaction was anger. What’s so bad, then, and why do people think it’s so weird if it really is the same as biting nails?!
Since my late primary school/early secondary school years I never pulled my eyebrows again after the hair had grown back, and also eventually got to the stage where I was able to wear my hair down and feel proud of it. I remember the first time someone said I had nice hair and how happy it made me. I suppose it was at about age 16 that I would start to wear it down, and before that I used to keep it tied back every day. I think it helps that my hair is very thick, and it is long, and areas do not notice as much. I also know that I don’t pull the large amounts that I used to, but this was not a conscious effort. I started pulling my pubic hair as well, though keeping it short has pretty much prevented this as I do not use tweezers to get at the short hairs like many people do.
Facing Trich
It is only recently that I have consciously decided that I am not going to let this be a problem anymore. I have been in a relationship for over a year now, and, unlike my last relationship, I have been able to tell my boyfriend everything. He wasn’t shocked, or even too confused as to why I do it, which is of course a great help. Sometimes I do feel that he can never help in as much as he will never understand, but I know that he loves me and accepts everything about me which is amazing. Apart from him I have never really told anyone else, except my mum that it was as common as biting nails when I was a bit younger. However, I do worry that it shows, as recently with the workload of university I feel I have been pulling more, mainly from around my parting and there are a lot of short hairs that are visible, even though there are no bald patches.
One day I was working on an essay with some papers on the floor beside me. I was subconsciously pulling the whole time and when I went to pick up the paper the hairs showed up against it and I really was horrified by how much there was. It also made hoovering my room a nightmare when our hoover is not very powerful at all! Things like this may seem small, but are significant in people’s lives, no matter how much you pull.
My blog posts are anonymous, and this is, in part, due to the fact that I am not open about my trich to the majority of people who know me. Of course this is something that bothers me, but in writing I hope to come to terms with such issues.
Blogging and forums have been the greatest help for me coming to terms with the fact that trich is part of me, which is why I also decided to start this blog. If you want to write something, help yourself and others, then you can do it here. Just get in contact!
I just posted your entry “My Trich Story” on my blog at http://eachonedifferent.blogspot.com/2008/08/trichotillomania.html. Thanks for letting me do so. I think you really let us peek into your struggles in a powerful way.
I understand how you feel . I do to have trich , very badly , also a lot of depression and anxiety . It started when i was about 6 , i am 14 now and still dealing with it , i”ve been at the bottom many times but i know someday i will overcome it . I have no idea when it will be , but im sure of it . so to everyone who has it , there is hope , never give up . And there will always be someone there for you , even if it seems like theres not .
hi, my name is rikki andi am 13. i was doing a health report on this very subject! your story really helped me. i too suffer fron trich and i know it can be very hard. i am asking your permission to print this to put it in my report. thanks for the time to read this
rikki
I’ve been a puller for nearly 30 years now. It is very distressing to me that I have not found a way to stop. When I was younger in my 20′s it was not so bad and I could escape detection. I pulled the hair only from behind my ears. I just couldn’t ever wear a pony tail. But many people would compliment my long, pretty hair.
As I have gotten older, however, and especially into my late 30′s the trich has gotten worse. Never before did I have to do weird things to my hair to cover a bald spot. Now, I do.
I got to thinking though one night. I understand that alot of what trich is, is impulsive and very habitual. The more we do a certain behavior over and over again, the more it is reinforced in our brain’s neuro-chemical pathways. And vice versa is true. The more we don’t do something, the pathways eventually weaken and do not alert us to continue the behavior.
Quitting smoking is an excellent example of this.
And then I got to thinking some more. The only way that I am physically able to pull is because of the fact that my thumb and my other fingers connect. The tactile sensation between these fingers is enjoyable also. I imagined one day, “what if I broke both my arms & my hands were in a cast?” I wouldn’t be able to connect my fingers to pull.
Does anyone see where I am going with this? Has some sort of contraption been devised to prevent the hand from physically pulling? Perhaps if worn consistently for six months or so, the impulse to pull would weaken.
I have no idea how you would drive, write, cook, or do other normal things. Perhaps it could be taken off at times to accomplish these things. Short of this idea, I’m getting to the point where I am almost willing to shave my heas so that I cannot physically pull!
Laura – I understand what you are saying – there has got to be a way to break the way your brain see things. It is like when I sucked my fingers until I was quite old as a child. I had to wear a brace and couldn’t physically fit my fingers in my mouth any more. I know it’s not quite the same, but I obviously broke that part of my brain that told me to seek that sensation. Unfortunately, it seems like it would be a lot harder to do this with pulling
Good luck with whatever you try, even if you shave your head – I really admire people who do that!
Hi Laura,
I know what you are going through. I have been going through the same thoughts…well, mine were more along the line of covering my hair. I guess in some twisted way, you and I are kind of lucky that we pull the hair on our scalp. What I have been doing the last few months is (1) noticing WHERE and (2) WHEN I pull the most. I noticed I do it while I am watching TV or reading something on my computer. Most of the time, I am alone, on my bed or on the couch. I realized these are places where no one can see me, and I have started covering my whole head with caps (satin caps are available online, used most for curly hair). When I didn’t have the satin cap, I used a large hair band, or even a scarf tied with a scunci (almost like a bun). I hope instead of disabling your hands..you can try to cover the areas where you pull the most, at least while you are alone. That will definitely decrease the frequency of your pulling.
Good luck!
Thank you for starting a blog like this!! Ironically, i was picking at my eyebrows while reading this. I think a lot of us feel alone in this journey and you are showing us that we are not as unique as we feel. Thankfully, I only pull my eyelashes and eyebrows and can cover it with makeup. Most people do not notice but I’m not too shy about it if someone asks. I find that some ppl think this is just a habit that can be broken, not that it is a disorder. My brother has it too. Not quite as bad as I do but it appears that is can be genetic.
Hi i love that there is a place to write about this disorder. I suffered from Trix for a long time. I Started pulling out my hair when i was about about 8 years old and it continued untill i was 18(I am now 21). I had patches missing from my head, my eyebrows were completely gone as well as my eyelashes. I never thought i would over come the disorder. But with lots of counceling and the help of family and friends i no longer pull out my hair. I would love to do whatever i can to help anyone out there with this! I kno its hard to be in public with this or even tell friends and family whats going on, but a step to recovering is just as though your addicted to something… You need to tell your friends and family about this problem help them understand. I noticed i was less likely to pull out my hair when i was around people so i always made sure someone was with me and stayed the night. That way if i was to start pulling my hair out i had someone to point out when i was doing it and had them tap on my hand,that way i noticed what i was doing and could stop. I also went to counceling witch help me a lot. I would love if anyone with this would e-mail me if they need anyhelp at all. It may sound weird asking help from a complete stranger but i know how it feels to live with Trichotillomania and its a horrible thing.
I am writing a paper for my Psyc class and this really helped me open my eyes about what you are going through. when I was first given this subject I had no idea what it was. now i have enough information to finish my paper and get a good grade. thank you for having the guts to come out and talk about this on the www. you are an inspiration. thank you.
I got a relaxer at or about age 6 to straighten my curls. Being a kid. Of course I scratched my head causing chemical burns to the right side of my head. I then began pulling and gained a bald spot a little bigger gthan my fist on my head. Is there any hope for me…. Please somebody!
hey guys .
im new to this website but i have been looking for a blogging spot like this about trich.
at the age of like.. 7 i think i was puling out hair . i knew why but i also didnt at the same time..
anyways , i have had a few traumatic times in my liiife so i guess thats what i was doing it for.
also my mom & dad broke up years ago and i thoght it was my fault so i felt bad and started doin things to me.
well im boored i uess no one is listening or reading this so i wont finiiish
.
byye../
Im 17 and finally after five years of pulling im on a stride of pull free close to 8 monthes when at one time I couldnt go 2 days without pulling. What im saying is there is Hope for enyone who seems hopeless. Trichotilomania does not define you , dont let it hold you back from anything.Things do get Better:) P.S dailystrength.com is a support website and you can find me and many other people as well come forth with this disorder, its helped me greatly:)
I have had Trichotillomania for about 16 years, as far as I can remember. I am 42 years old. I pull from legs, my pubic area, my nose, my eyebrows and my scalp. This is very debilitating for me. It only seems to get worse the more I try to stop. I recently pulled out so much hair on the left side of my head as I was driving that I now have a bald spot. I have thin spots on top where I’ve pulled so much that the hair won’t grow back. I think I started due to some stress in my life, and I started with my legs. Any short dark hair drives me nuts and any coarse curly hair drives me nuts. I’ve been to counseling before, but he didn’t know anything about it and gave me a pill to help me stop. Needless to say, that did not help. I know I am the only oe who can stop this. I just can’t get the strength to actually stop. I know there are people out there like me. Guess that kinda helps some, but I feel so alone most of the time because I know this is serious condition and I can’t really talk to anyone about it.